Does life ever slow down? Or is it that as we get older there's more and more to be in control of, more variables to hold down. Well, today I helped Austin start moving into our new house, I'm so excited for this new chapter; but with all of this change I feel there's even more yet to come to a head. Of course school is still taking its toll on me, but in a few short weeks that will all be done as well. Beyond all of that there's a guy, yes of course, i know your not suprised.
Charlie, or Charles, well he is one of the most interesting people I've met in Bismarck for a very long time. He's strong, interesting, mysterious, and fun. Did I mention how good looking he is? Or the fact that he has a job, car, is over 21 and not married? I'm going to be careful and not put all of my eggs in one basket so to speak but I'm not seeing anyone else either. I just want to take my time and go slow with this. Worse case scenario I want us to be friends. Best case scenario... white picket fence?
Austins is heading up to Garrison with his girlfriend Brooke, and my brother Nick is going to his girlfriends friend Amber's house tonight. Which leaves me taking grandma up to my aunt's for Christmas eve. It's honestly so overwhelming sometimes.... the traditions you grow up with, like your family being together for the holidays, well, they change as you get older. Its almost like a little piece of my heart is broken which sounds lame but this is going to be my first Christmas eve spent without a member of my immediate family. I'm 22 and I'm sure there are clearly worse ways to spend tonight, but this is also my family's first Christmas without my grandfather as well, which I'm sure explains why my grandmother is not in the highest of spirits.
Okay, time to pick myself up out of the gutter.
(Deep Breath)
So, the original thought behind this post was, of course relationship related. I was toying with idea of why we play games with the people were romantically interested with. Is it normal or rational to feel afraid to be the first person to send a text or call? Well I'm sure its normal but its definitely not rational. Maybe that's why dating is so frustrating and confusing, its been warped out of something beautiful like courtship into a irrational mind game. Here this thing though, all games have rules, but not all rules apply to every situation. ---- moment of realization
I refuse to think of romance as a game. If I'm with someone who finds me genuine and interesting I'm not putting rules on it that aren't even there in reality. However I still will more than likely not have sex on the first date, but I wont be afraid to call or text them after having an amazing night together.
Why is it so much easier to think when your writing? I get caught up on these ideas in my head but the moment I put fingers to keyboard, I may as well eliminate half the garbled mess in my head.
Well if your reading this today, Merry Christmas, safe travels, and I hope you find your evening filled with love.
XOXO
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