happily ever after

I'm not giving up on mine, just to catch you up I've been employed at glance for the last three weeks and I'm loving it. Its what I went to school for, its my passion. But I'm not done climbing, I am not going to stop until I get everything that I want. That I need.

I am going to be a role model for lgbt youth. I am going to be a platform artist. I will be a national educator. I will be in love. I will be loved. I will be valued and appreciated. I will make my dreams come true and in so doing I will have my happily ever after. This month glance... Someday the world.

XOXO

also obsessed with this song. listen. love. enjoy.

placing pen to paper...

or more truthfully fingers to keyboard...

well my world has fallen apart, and while both my social and family life are in the gutter which has truly become my norm over the past few months, my work life has taken a drastic turn. I, of all people have landed what I believe is my second interview at the mother of all salons here in town. glance. I'm literally squealing inside my head.

what when wrong with me dream guy Charles... well and this is what hurts the most. I don't think he even actually cared about me he wanted my lifestyle and when i cut him out like cancer i lost some friends. Long story short I'm a lot wiser for the experience, then there was my rebound Michael and that was even worse he was needier than a brand new puppy... and just as lost. I'm scared i hurt him in the process i don't know what to do... i should probably tell him I'm sorry for everything but i wouldn't know where to start. Turns out I'm hard to love.

Horoscopes are funny things we like hearing about how smart, caring, sensitive we are what I've learned most recently to be my strongest feature from the zodiac is that Aquarius' don't like being held down we need space we're aloof in nature and smothering us is the worst thing anyone can do.

I'm changing, evolving, working on me and chasing my dreams into reality. We as  people have the innate ability to grasp whatever our heart desires most, we simply put the thought and energy out into the universe and pursue it. It may take time, but the truth is were capable of anything we can dream. 

I recently read something that i wrote a few years ago and i want to share it here.

if you want to really know me, you need to know what started it and this little bit your about to read will upend any ideas you may have. I wrote this when i was 19 I'm now 23, still as true today as it was when i wrote it.

"if i had to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I love you.

amor nec metu, well it means love without fear.

if only it were that easy.

to love so blindly, so just, to never feel judged, condemned, unwanted.

i want what everyone wants, i want my happily ever after, and to be completely honest, i believe its out there."

i leave you with this tonight, how can a person become no longer jaded, scorned, hurt. I'm scared that at the age of 23 i may be developing a calloused heart....

adult snow day?

Sure why not?

You know that feeling you get when you feel like your settling for less than you deserve? Well that's what emotion is currently burning its way through my fingers and onto the key board. I know I am capable of amazing things. The issue I'm having is that I settled by taking my job at regis in the mall; there's nothing wrong with being employed at a chain mall salon my issue is more within the fact that its not going to get me where I want in life. I want to be in the same category as my HAIR HERO'S I want to be associated with the best of the best I have this intense thirst for knowledge when it comes to hair. It's my passion and I want so badly to exceed everyone's expectations including my own. I want to set the world on fire with my vision of hair.

Do I force myself into the upper echelon of the hair world? Do I continue building clientele? I am currently planning a Marilyn Monroe inspired photo shoot  that I will do the hair and makeup as well as the photography for.  But once I have the photos what do I then do with them? Submit them to magazines for publishing?  Or??? What happens when your walking down the path of your life and your run out of sidewalk?

until then i guess i will continue sitting here listening to Alesso

---- also that radiant red head is from the newest collection that Angus, Takashi, and Julian are working on right now. peace. love. happiness.

xoxo

a long time coming...

So, well I am now a licensed cosmetologist working in a salon, I had calls from more elevated salons than the salon I currently work at but I love where I work. I truly do, I am happy, I can be myself, and I am in love with what I do; especially when I get to connect with others.

Sorry I haven't posted in so long, a lot has happened, and I mean a lot. I moved out, moved back, had my heart broken, and I'm learning to dance to my own beat, a different beat. Its hard when you go from being so controlled like the way I was in hair school to having such absolute freedom.

I think I'm figuring this out, and I am happy. I know that much for sure. Still struggling with balance but i think if your not, your dead.

Tonight I have loyal clients on my mind. I have a friend who I worked with while i was a receptionist in a salon while I was in school; I love her but in the past two weeks I, myself, have had two of her loyal clients change to me. I know she's going through a rough time right now, and I want to treat her the way I would want to be treated. But beyond all of that I know its wrong of me to not tell her. But how can I bring this up without hurting her? I would feel embarrassed if someone pulled me aside and informed me i was losing clients to them. And that's two just to me, god only knows how many of them have already jumped ship to others....  If anything there's a good lesson here for myself, I need to work my ass off and maintain my clients and make them love me as much as I love them.

Which means taking care of myself so I can take care of them. Why did that just occur to me?
I feel like I should have learned that a long time ago. hmmmmm

well I need to tell her soon I don't want her to find out from other people and I don't want people talking about her behind her back hopefully I can help her and someday if I need it someone will do the same for me, we hair stylists need to stick together.

also random but I found a new musician that I love Alesso check him out!

limbo?

not the game but more the place...

Turns out I thought I was avoiding making a decision but in the end, me not making a decision was a decision.

So now, I am going to set the world on fire with the choices I'm going to make by myself.
---- The more you love your decisions the less you need others to love them.

Just a thought but how many of us are guilty of this? Especially when you feel like your world is falling apart or your transitioning from phase of your life to another. I know that I've spent the last five days laying around rotting in front of netflix not being honest to who I am as a person and I regret it. So now's my chance to make up for lost time.

I'm Striking the match ;) you better look out.

Inspiration

what inspires you? Late night trysts? forbidden love? or being a couch potato and watching a full season of gossip girl on netflix... well i hope that doesn't give away what i did today.

But either way my point remains the same, What can, or do, we all draw inspiration from. For me a show like gossip girl while juicy and entertaining is also a great source of inspiration. There are many great hair trends featured in the series that are still relevant today even though the particular season I'm on was filmed in 2010, 3 years ago.  That and perhaps there is something i admire about Blake Lively and Leighton Meester, they are more than average in the beauty category but the way they carry themselves. ahhhhh it makes me melt.

Confidence can be inspiring and dangerous.

Perhaps thats what i should feed off of in my pursuit of all things.

but for now its two in the morning so my destiny will have to wait until I've had my beauty sleep.

xoxo

Risk?

Of course its one of those dangerous four letter words that we tend to avoid at all costs. But its also the word that's been on my mind all day.

Noun A situation involving exposure to danger: "flouting the law was too much of a risk".

Verb Expose (someone or something valued) to danger, harm, or loss: "he risked his life to save his dog".

Turns out by definition it can be used in multiple ways, but maybe that's why I for one have a problem with those "four" letter words. They're dangerous, unpredictable, and impossible to pin down at the best of times. They also happen to represnt things we face in our day to day life, yes life, if we aren't, for instance, taking risks are we living?

I'm not saying we should all fly off the handle and spend our lives savings to do something that would jeopardize our general safety or well being, but in a more rational way perhaps like cutting fringe "bangs" or deciding to invest yourself in someone you've had a crush on for a long long time. Little risks, they're fun, and at the worst its how we learn. Or have to re-learn something that's already been taught to us.

Do I risk my situation with Charles to go out with Derek on Saturday? Or do I risk my chances with Derek not knowing how everything will unfold with Charles? I suppose the biggest risk I have is not making a choice either way... but beyond all of that do I risk letting myself be hurt?

Relationships are so much like hair in my world. They're constantly changing evolving, being cut short, or allowed to drag on and continuously grow. For instance if you try someone out like bob and you go on a date, fall head over heals with him, its like pinning your hair up in the back trying to simulate the always trendy beautifully graduated A line. Sometimes we can toy with an idea or person to see if its a perfect fit before we take that plunge.

Maybe the point of this blog isn't that we should fear risk, but embrace it instead. Because as I know everyone has seen that quote "life isn't about waiting out the storm, but learning to dance in the rain". 
And I for one am completely okay with a little rain...

I know what I want and I know I wont get it unless I choose to brave a couple rain clouds. But one thing I can promise you is that I will never forget how to dance. 

I hope you feel the same way, I need to get to bed I have a lot of important things to take care of tomorrow.

xoxo