placing pen to paper...

or more truthfully fingers to keyboard...

well my world has fallen apart, and while both my social and family life are in the gutter which has truly become my norm over the past few months, my work life has taken a drastic turn. I, of all people have landed what I believe is my second interview at the mother of all salons here in town. glance. I'm literally squealing inside my head.

what when wrong with me dream guy Charles... well and this is what hurts the most. I don't think he even actually cared about me he wanted my lifestyle and when i cut him out like cancer i lost some friends. Long story short I'm a lot wiser for the experience, then there was my rebound Michael and that was even worse he was needier than a brand new puppy... and just as lost. I'm scared i hurt him in the process i don't know what to do... i should probably tell him I'm sorry for everything but i wouldn't know where to start. Turns out I'm hard to love.

Horoscopes are funny things we like hearing about how smart, caring, sensitive we are what I've learned most recently to be my strongest feature from the zodiac is that Aquarius' don't like being held down we need space we're aloof in nature and smothering us is the worst thing anyone can do.

I'm changing, evolving, working on me and chasing my dreams into reality. We as  people have the innate ability to grasp whatever our heart desires most, we simply put the thought and energy out into the universe and pursue it. It may take time, but the truth is were capable of anything we can dream. 

I recently read something that i wrote a few years ago and i want to share it here.

if you want to really know me, you need to know what started it and this little bit your about to read will upend any ideas you may have. I wrote this when i was 19 I'm now 23, still as true today as it was when i wrote it.

"if i had to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I love you.

amor nec metu, well it means love without fear.

if only it were that easy.

to love so blindly, so just, to never feel judged, condemned, unwanted.

i want what everyone wants, i want my happily ever after, and to be completely honest, i believe its out there."

i leave you with this tonight, how can a person become no longer jaded, scorned, hurt. I'm scared that at the age of 23 i may be developing a calloused heart....